On Pursuit and the Self
On Pursuit and Self
Below are my notes inspired by the quote below from Jordan Peterson in his most recent book We Who Wrestle with God. The theme is that of connecting the purity of childhood enthusiasm with the task of properly orienting your aim as an adult.
‘There is possibly nothing more optimistic than the idea that the path indicated by the spirit of adventure in childhood and adulthood alike is the same path whose walking is most pleasing to and, simultaneously, encouraged by the good father.’
- Jordan Peterson
This strikes something so deep within me - it calls to some sacred moment in time from my adolescent years that exists in my memory as bliss and perfection. It’s this euphoric mental diorama of this is how it should be - this is how you should feel - this is who you are. I can visit this image and headspace for inspiration; there are glimpses of mastery and signposts pointing toward my core human essence. I picture this version of myself that was somehow mature enough to feel interest and hear a call from the world, but at the same time I had a youthful spirit not-yet-compromised by stress, trauma, and the banality of American adulthood.
I don’t mean this to be a nostalgic romanticization or reminiscing exercise - that’s for the therapy couch or the occasional campfire with old friends. I really believe there is utility in responsible reflection that identifies a specific chapter or season of life - whenever and wherever that may be for you - that serves as a holy reference for our entire lives. Robert Greene emphasizes this strategy in his book Mastery; that is, to look back and identify those times when you were most captured, enthusiastic, and even gifted when taking on a new endeavor in life. What tasks, projects, or new disciplines had you the most excited for practice, had you going above and beyond when not required, and were the thing you couldn’t stop thinking about or planning for, day and night?
I can meditate on this ‘memory’ for lack of a better way to put it, and it reminds me what matters to me. It shows me what brings me joy, and immediately points me back towards the right mindset for abundant pursuit in my life today. It also shows me someone full of adventurous energy, and a gregarious personality of leadership and social engagement. Thankfully I have been able to retain these traits throughout my life, but the reminder of who I was at this strange fantastical youth-pinnacle injects me with positive energy that holds me accountable to my best self.
I think this is what Peterson is getting at… ‘there is nothing more optimistic than (…) the spirit of adventure childhood and adulthood is (…) most pleasing and encouraged.’ It’s an ethereal connection across time and space to the best version of ourselves: keeping the perfect spirit of childhood aligned with the warrior quest of adulthood. And yet, harkening to Robert Bly’s lessons in Iron John: (paraphrasing) we must keep and cherish the boy in our soul, but we do not let him govern. He informs and reminds us, to our utility, but it is the Inner King of our adult self who rules our kingdom of personhood and orients us in the world.
Now if I may, below is an editorialized capture of lines and stanzas from the anthology There and Back Again by W. S. Keit. This is a sacred text to me, and is a truly great work of art. There is a profound through line across the poems in the book that beautifully articulate the dynamic I have described above; that of synergy between childhood purity and adult adventure. Please note that these are mere bits from Keit’s poems and book, with incredible full bodies of prose omitted for thematic brevity:
I can never go back to see the wilderness in front of me.
No hopping ridges in my wrinkle in time.
Warlords and Warriors. Wisdom and Strength.
Honor, Courage, Discipline and
What it is to be… a man.
Confining as the state you grew up in,
But changing states can’t change your state of mind,
Only the state your state of mind exists in.
You are Thorondor, the Greatest.
You are the Eagle, the Falcon,
Everything starts softly in the morning
Before the rest have risen
Before rest has fully arrived
Here I stand and here
I wait in the darkness.
I’ll rise to my halo. On this path,
I am the heroic one.
How peculiar, to live in a world where dreaming is required.
Ambition like the Romans, it must drive you straight to the edge
Blood sweat and tears overcoming inadequacy,
Doubt and all other fears of the self.
What now as the dreamer awakens and a hero must unfold.
Retribution? Or is it redemption?
In the deserted desert of dying dream, an aquifer
Drying and splitting at the seams to reveal something new.
Something born. Growing from the death of something worn out in life.
To ride above it and rise with a love for the dreaming itself.
Recognizing the destination has never been the goal.
Sceptre and crown, this regalia regales us of a tale of possibilities.
No easy thing, to come back from broken dreams. To rise a hero
From the ashes of what was once the only thing
Worth pursuing.
Glory and honor at my feet,
Wondering if I’m done, as I languish in my revelry.
Wondering what more could await a man being
As men should be.
Wanting still, needing the thrill of light
Versus Dark. The mark of a man with more to give,
A wild man with more wild life to live.
Born from within, the last piece of this puzzle
To achieve my zen and reach towards the end
On terms not dictated by other men.
To be me, truly and wholly seeking what I need
Not in the name of others, but for none other than
Me.
There it is.
The whispers in the night, swishing
And wishing through trees. Singing.
The me that dares to stand and the me
That dares to die.
There it is.
The call and the light to save me and my life.
Reaching through darkness.
To turn on my hope and to loosen the noose
Tightly bound around my throat. Shatter my fear
And step through the cold. Boldly embracing
The me saving my soul.
- W.S. Keit
Yeah, I’ll just leave that there for a while.